ISSUE 3 DECEMBER 2002
ATTILATHE MUM
An occasional newsletter for mothers
who do it all and then some more
http://www.mumatwork.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
INSIDE ATTILA
Introduction:
Spare a thought for the virtual mother
Article: Singing on the Brain
Check it out: Mrs Mad gives up snorkelling
Review: The
Bitch in the House
SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE VIRTUAL MOTHER!
Hello,
friends! Tis the season for demented shopping sprees, unmitigated parental
blackmail and appalling infantile greed. It’s Christmas, here we go again.
But
instead of indulging in the traditional yuletide whinge, let me tell you a story.
Poverty
and abandonment by a philandering husband drove my friend Rosita to seek work overseas as a cleaner. It was
the only way she could support her seven kids.
Early
each morning before scrubbing her first toilet in North London, Rosita pops into
the local supermarket in search of bargains. A bottle of Nescafe Gold Blend, a
tube of Colgate, a tin of baked beans. At the end of every month, she ships her
little hoard of groceries to her kids in the Philippines.
“Why
don’t you just send them the money?” I ask her. “These things are cheaper in
the Philippines.”
”This way,” she retorts fiercely, ”I feel like I’m really looking after them.”
Rosita
is mothering her children the best way she can from across several oceans. She
is a virtual mother.
This
Christmas, spare a thought for thousands of virtual mothers like Rosita. It
turns complaining about Christmas excess into just another unnecessary
luxury.
Till next time,
Candy
Gourlay
P.S.
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SINGING ON THE
BRAIN
My
friend Jo used to be a fish net stocking, pointy-bra, stilleto wearing rock
singer with big hair. She used to swing down to the stage on a trapeze wearing
a string bikini ensemble and scream at the cheering crowds: “DO YOU WANT ME?”
She used her ballet training to deliver sky high kicks while singing Private
Dancer on club tables. Ten years and two children later, Jo hasn’t lost her
stunning looks, style and voice.
Last
month, she was asked to audition for a pop gig in Jakarta. And this trapeze
riding, high-kicking, fish net stocking diva was terrified.
Oh,
the slings and arrows of motherhood!
Most
of us call those years bringing up children the best years of our lives. But
what comes after? Is there life after motherhood?
What
happens when the nurturing years have
become less intense, when nights are not so sleepless, and the children prefer
the company of their peers to you? When opportunity knocks, would you be afraid
to open that door?
Jo
is afraid to fail. In the past, she took failed auditions in stride. But
motherhood has changed her. Now rejection looms like the end of the world.
She
is also afraid to succeed. If she gets the job, she would have to do it. She
would have to become someone other than her children’s mum. She is afraid to
make a commitment to being a person other than a mother.
Many
of us have been in Jo’s shoes (albeit not stilletoed). Many of us have resisted
that shift from mother to other.
Jo’s been dreaming of singing again for years. She’s been writing songs and recording them at home. She seizes every chance to sing – in church and school events. She knows exactly who she wants to be. But it still takes a little bit of extra courage to make it happen!
Singing
mums should look up
http://www.operamom.com/ a resource for mothers who sing for a
living, or who would like to.
Colleen
Hubbard wrote Big
Purple Mommy to encourage other mothers to continue with their creative
work after having children. Operamom’s interview with Colleen Hubbard will be a
useful fillip for mothers who don’t know where to begin: http://www.operamom.com/coleen.html
*I
have changed some names to give privacy to individuals mentioned in the
features
http://www.mrsmad.com/ is a website reviewing children’s books by a
Hertfordshire school teacher whose initials are M.A.D. Mrs Mad used to love
snorkelling and cross-stitch but since having twin daughters, she’s given those
up for reading – and running her excellent review website!
REVIEW: THE
BITCH IN THE HOUSE
You are cool, efficient, the heart and soul of your office: nothing is too much for your well padded shoulders. Then you go home to your family and become the Wicked Witch of the West.
The
Bitch in the House
(subtitled 26 Women tell the truth about sex, solitude, work, motherhood,
and marriage) was published in the U.S. last year. It made waves because so many professional
woman recognised themselves in the 26 Jeckyll and Hyde case studies featured – women who do it all, but not
quite as well at home!
Do
you find it easier to yell at the kids and the husband than to yell at your
colleagues? Then you should check this out:
http://florita.com/bookbitc.htm
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?ean=9780066211664&endeca=1
Excerpt
- http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?ean=9780066211664&endeca=1
(c)
2002, Candy Gourlay. All rights reserved.
Reproduction
of material from Atilla the Mum without written permission is
strictly
prohibited.